When Fan Girls Attack
by Little Revolutionist Ace
Summary: Don't deny fan girls are dangerous... Will this be the first of many run ins with fan girls the Doctor has? I don't know!


Authors Note: Fan girls are dangerous, I suggest you follow the advice from the hitch hikers guide to galaxy...  
Disclaimer: I may be the fan girl at the head of that pack, but sadly I do not own Doctor Who or Torchwood. All that is holy and good belongs to the BBC.

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The Doctor hit the console one last time as the TARDIS came to a shuddering halt. "2007 13th of December aaat," The Doctor checked a watch that wasn't there "3:22 pm."

Rose looked exasperated "Where though? Spain? The moon? A spaceship?"

The Doctor feigned being hurt "Ye of little faith. We're just outside the estate, London, Britain, Earth." He flicked on the scanner and Rose took one look before glaring at him. "And what is this? A Fall Out Boy concert?"

The estate was thronged with teen aged girls who had various slogans emblazoned on vibrant shirts. They were all screaming their heads off and a lot had fainted. A large blue parcel was being hauled up towards the front, as if to be put before the TARDIS in sacrifice. Rose realised with a shock that the parcel was not a parcel, but was twitching and attempting to yell for help through the orange gag. He was trussed up like a turkey and that's why it took only a few seconds to recognise him.

"Jack." Rose and the Doctor breathed instantaneously. It was Jack and he looked terrible. He had black eyes, his nose was bleeding and his clothes were torn and dirty.

Opening the door of the TARDIS the Doctor snatched Jack up and attempted to close the door on the swell of girls that seemed intent on getting into his Time machine. Finally beating them back with a truncheon he had found poking out of Jacks belt ( God knows what it was doing there, but the Doctor didn't particularly want to). Rose was shaken and pale. "Who are they Doctor? And what did they do to Jack?" They hastened to pull the gag out of Jacks mouth and untie him.

Jack had a splitting headache and his back was killing him. He opened blurred eyes to see Rose and the Doctor looking down on him with some concern. "Jack? Can you hear us?" Jack felt like talking would seriously endanger his health, so he nodded which sent pain everywhere. "Do you know who they are?" The Doctor looked anxious and Jack could see he'd put a padlock on the TARDIS door. "No. They just stormed the Hub and tortured me... something about Ianto and gas." Jack coughed hoarsely. "Ianto was fine last I saw of him. He was helping Owen with some weevils. Though how they got me from Cardiff to here... Where are we anyway?"

"London."

The Doctor ran over to the console and hurriedly opened a program. The girls who had given up on trying to open the door were now dragging the TARDIS out of the open. "Jack! Did they say any words that might give us a clue to who they are?" He ran his hands through his insane brown hair and waited for Jack to reply. " Fan Fic ring any bells? um, I think they also said fandom? Thats all I heard before they knocked me out."

While Jack had been talking the Doctor had been typing words into a program called HGttG. He shuddered and turned around, deathly pale. Rose ran to his side "What is it? What's wrong??"

The Doctor looked hollowly at her and took an age to speak "Th-they're fan girls." He pointed at the screen, gesturing for her to read it out to the immobile Jack.

She began:

"Hitch hikers Guide to the Galaxy - search results for Fan fic & fandom.

Results: Fan Girls

Fan girls are dangerous creatures, never to be approached unless armed with a machine gun. Tasers are useless against the monsters.

They latch on to something that the major population likes and finds out every fact about it until they have sucked it as dry as plaster.

After regurgitating the same old facts for month they begin to write stories about their chosen topic. They call it 'Fan Fiction' or 'fanfic'

for short. They become completely obsessed with the false reality they have created around themselves and strive to find out more and

more. Do not attempt to strike up conversation with them or they will pull you into their ways and you will become a fan girl. Most likely

for people around the age of 13 to 18 but in serious cases it can last up to their death."

Rose finished and looked shocked. "They're sick! The whole lot of 'em, sick!"

The Doctor attempted to de materialise the TARDIS but it refused to move. He flipped the scanner back on and found himself looking at bars the width of a computer keyboard.

They were looked after well, fed and watered for two years trapped in their prison of their own fame. The Jailers started whispering of something new. Jacob, and werewolves and who was sleeping with who in a mysterious world of 'Twilight'. The fan girls did not even notice the Doctor breaking through their defences and escaping. The echoing wheeze of the TARDIS alerted the jailers. "Oh well," they said. " At least we won't have to clean it up to keep Edward in there."

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Authors Note Two: Yet another no sleep fan fiction! It seems that is the only way I can write them. This story is for the dust bunnies! GOOO DUST BUNNIES!!!!


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